Friday, November 28, 2008

The Slugs and Barkley...

Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving Hitman!
Prior to my fun run at Masochist, I started toying with the idea of something really stupid--The Barkleys. I know there's NO way in hell I could ever finish the full monty, and highly doubtful that I could ever complete the 60 mile "fun run"...but the stories leave me intrigued, and I would really like to get a first hand glimpse of this mess in the next few years. Maybe one lap, maybe even two (let's not push it).

So I started following the links, and found the "entry form" which includes the following statement:

Requirements: Rigorous requirements must be met: NO women. They are
too soft. No children. They are too small. No Californians. This
race is not cool. NO soccer fans. Soccer sucks. NO marines. They
don't biodegrade. NO yankees. We don't want them buried here. NO
wimps, worms, slugs, or weenies. They don't got what it takes. And
most of all, NO Health Fascists. We encourage smoking during the

The yankee thing I might be able to get around. Maybe. I grew up north of Boston, and come from a strong lineage of swamp yankees (the worst kind). Not the pussy-footin', nail groomin' Boston Legal or St. Elsewhere Ed Begley Jr. lovin' types. I've lost my accent, and maybe lived South of the manson-nixon line long enough to at least file for ranks as a "Mid-Atlantic" denizen.

The Slug comment is kinda hard to get around. I know I'm on a list somewhere. Perhaps multiple lists. Worse, there's evidence in copies of UltraRunning that I've showed up at Slug events on multiple occasions. If they really decided to do a full background check, they'd know I'm actually a card carrying member with name AND title.

As long as this Mahoney guy is alive there's probably no hope of entry for me. So, I've gotta ask (and I know this is probably classified material)--how did da slugs get excluded from Barkely?

--Grand Poo Bah

Thanks for the nice note, Happy Thanksgiving to you / yours too! Really just Two Things....

1. I don't believe Slugs are excluded; in fact, I started a Lap there in '95, and I'm certain if ya review the rosters from years past, there's bound to be a Slug or Several squeezed in over the years. Don't ask about my personal experience "out there", and I respectfully will refrain from over-dramatizing the disaster that awaits any respectable "runner." However, somewhere on the Slug-site my Experience is Well-Documented.

2. Sometimes, when I'm Slugging-good, I get to thinking about it... About Barkley, the Lore and the Truth. After all, it is Do-able, and as I've heard Gary say, "All ya gotta do is not quit." So, Good Luck with That! If you are going; then, read all you can find about Frozen Head and past Dreamers, train until you bleed, and learn how to read a topographical map. With that behind ya, I'd say you've got a chance. But enter early, Gary don't like a Lot of Folks trampling around in his woods.

Happy Days!

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