Friday, November 28, 2008

Maybe the Grand Poo Bah is right ...

... and there is a conspiracy to rid the Ultra-world of Slugs .... I found this posted on a "Remove Unwanted Pests" site.

-Get rid of hideouts, like old pots, debris piles, and long grass, where slugs seek shelter when the weather turns sunny and warm.
-Break out the S.W.A.T. team! Squish slug eggs. Use a shovel to cut slugs in half or maybe you can even squash them barehanded. Or stomp on them.
-Drown the dastardly drunks in beer traps. Slugs will blissfully dive into partially filled cans of beer pushed into the soil, plunging to their deaths. Or cut a hole two inches above the bottom of a paper cup. Fill with one inch of beer and place near plants.

If we're pushed out; we'll turn to China. We've already infiltrated Beijing, and the National Chinese Slug leader estimates that the Inaugural Team Slug Marathon in Beijing will attract more starters than London. What this will do to T-shirt sales is unknown...However, we're definitely gonna need more volunteers at the Finish Line.

The Slugs and Barkley...

Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving Hitman!
Prior to my fun run at Masochist, I started toying with the idea of something really stupid--The Barkleys. I know there's NO way in hell I could ever finish the full monty, and highly doubtful that I could ever complete the 60 mile "fun run"...but the stories leave me intrigued, and I would really like to get a first hand glimpse of this mess in the next few years. Maybe one lap, maybe even two (let's not push it).

So I started following the links, and found the "entry form" which includes the following statement:

Requirements: Rigorous requirements must be met: NO women. They are
too soft. No children. They are too small. No Californians. This
race is not cool. NO soccer fans. Soccer sucks. NO marines. They
don't biodegrade. NO yankees. We don't want them buried here. NO
wimps, worms, slugs, or weenies. They don't got what it takes. And
most of all, NO Health Fascists. We encourage smoking during the

The yankee thing I might be able to get around. Maybe. I grew up north of Boston, and come from a strong lineage of swamp yankees (the worst kind). Not the pussy-footin', nail groomin' Boston Legal or St. Elsewhere Ed Begley Jr. lovin' types. I've lost my accent, and maybe lived South of the manson-nixon line long enough to at least file for ranks as a "Mid-Atlantic" denizen.

The Slug comment is kinda hard to get around. I know I'm on a list somewhere. Perhaps multiple lists. Worse, there's evidence in copies of UltraRunning that I've showed up at Slug events on multiple occasions. If they really decided to do a full background check, they'd know I'm actually a card carrying member with name AND title.

As long as this Mahoney guy is alive there's probably no hope of entry for me. So, I've gotta ask (and I know this is probably classified material)--how did da slugs get excluded from Barkely?

--Grand Poo Bah

Thanks for the nice note, Happy Thanksgiving to you / yours too! Really just Two Things....

1. I don't believe Slugs are excluded; in fact, I started a Lap there in '95, and I'm certain if ya review the rosters from years past, there's bound to be a Slug or Several squeezed in over the years. Don't ask about my personal experience "out there", and I respectfully will refrain from over-dramatizing the disaster that awaits any respectable "runner." However, somewhere on the Slug-site my Experience is Well-Documented.

2. Sometimes, when I'm Slugging-good, I get to thinking about it... About Barkley, the Lore and the Truth. After all, it is Do-able, and as I've heard Gary say, "All ya gotta do is not quit." So, Good Luck with That! If you are going; then, read all you can find about Frozen Head and past Dreamers, train until you bleed, and learn how to read a topographical map. With that behind ya, I'd say you've got a chance. But enter early, Gary don't like a Lot of Folks trampling around in his woods.

Happy Days!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Fattest Butt 2009 is POSTPONED...

The TSI Fattest Butt is postponed. That weekend i will be accompanying my son back to Ft. Lee where he is stationed for AIT.
Of course the park is open; and any/all would still be welcome to come out and log the miles; i will award the Slug Shirt to any first times who decide to come. Happy Days, John.

CONGRATS JEREMY; graduated from Basic Combat Training at Fort Benning, Georgia on 12/13/2008.


Friday, November 07, 2008

King Slug Checks in....from Ohio :)

I am hosting first race. Because it is a "race" I did not see it fit to be a
true Slug event. I feel as though that there is some way to slugtize this
event and I am open for options of scaring away many of the runners when
they hear that King Slug is in charge. Check out the site and let me know. Love to place Team Slug as one of my
sponsors and to place the logo on the back of the shirt under logos section.
This will cost Team Slug one dried up bull frog from the pond so I can set
on my desk for future admiration. I figure when I get a real slug event I
will work with you on calling it the first Ohio Race.

But onto more important things:

But most importantly: I am prepared to offer Pokey Slug a comped entry to my
race April 19th, 2009 and would like to officially invite her if she is not
already signed up to run in Umstead again or some other adventure trail race
now that she has completed a 50 miler. This is only because she represented
the true meaning of a Slug in my humble opinion and after all she made UR
magazine. How cool was that?

Ok Ok, I need to clarify a few items of business. I have scraped and skimmed
enough pennies from my couch and drank one lass beer per week to save the

3 Jan 09 PHUNT50K Trail Dawgs in MD

4 Jan 09 TSI Fattest Butt 50K in DE
Suppose that I was to come and try to do two doubles will I be valued enough
to get a trucker hat if I drink a beer of your choice in my slug coffee mug
the last loop around the pond or maybe just drinking beer and not starting
the race....? So may options. If I planned such an adventure would there be
fear that the great state of DE would blow the bridge if they heard that
some Ohio Slug was venturing back into the 1st state?

Prez of Ohio Sluggos, (me and don)

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Team Slug Field Trials in Beijing, China

Dr. John Coulter, recently elected Emperor of All the Chinese Slugs, shown in recent photo in Beijing. While he failed to qualify for the Olympic Marathon, he represented Team Slug very well in his valiant attempt.

Happy Days to All the Slugs, All OVER The World.
da' Hitman