Monday, December 31, 2007

Slug Course fraught with danger...

...i was out this morning, snooping around the course. wet leaves are still covering the foot hazards, and the wooden walkways (over the swamps) are like ice. you can skate across them, and one slip, you're going over the edge. all in all, the trail is in fair / good shape. till you get to the last half mile. construction continues! so i sneaked around looking for a good path to cross back over to the start / finish area. due to the increased pond-monster sightings ranger rick has guard dogs and snipers posted. we definitely won't be sneaking through the construction site. so, i found an old trail, maybe a quarter mile long to hash through. i'm gonna call it the gary cantrell section (if you don't know who g.c. is then you need to come to my house after the run and drink some brew.) i wish all a happy new year. be careful out there this evening, if you're going out. i want to see ya next saturday. happy days, john.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Final Preparations underway for ’08 Fattest Butt….

The course appears to be in fair/good condition, though there is continuing construction on a short stretch. This will create a minor detour, but won’t add significantly to the mileage. Pokey and I were out on it yesterday, and there are a lot of leaves covering the roots, stumps, and other assorted bumps. This means, especially if it’s wet, you’ll probably need to slow down a bit and be extra careful. While the course is basically flat, there are some very short hills (up and down); and stretches of wooden walkway (covering swampy areas) that when wet get slick as sh(i)t. No joke, if not careful you could easily break something out there. Nearly each non-event someone departs good ole Dela-where requiring a couple of stitches. Makes for great pics, but we don’t want anyone hurt.

OK, you’ve seen the non-event instructions below. This is NOT a race. We’re a small gang of slugs / potential slugs; out for a long winter’s run. Please check in promptly at 800 AM in the main parking lot, one mile inside the main entrance of the park. I’d love to get you all started by 820, definitely no later than, 830. Following each loop, I ask that you check in with whoever’s keeping the times. I’m a runner myself, and know exactly how we are. We may be non- competitive as haile, but we still want our times right. I can dig that. However, we will be operating fat ass format, skeleton crew, and need your assistance.

TSI will supply pond-water and stale bread, though Pokey (and she knows) advises you not to drink it. Please bring whatever food / drink stuff you need to finish. A communal table will be set up if you would like to bring anything to share.

There is no time limit, but the park closes at dark. You’ll have approximately eight hours to finish. If you are not finished, we will move the vehicles outside the park, and somehow we’ll work out a deal to let you finish. There is no reason to quit, except you don’t want to run no more.

All first-time finishers will have an opportunity to buy the slug shirt, and if you’re one of the vets I’ve got some sweet 2008 Finisher Slug-Muggs. Also a few truckers’ hats are left over from the fall if you’re interested. All are Ten U.S. Dollars, or trade, in-kind. Other TSI logo apparel may be purchased on-line at CafĂ© Press.

Finally, I appreciate you taking the time out of your winter schedule and joining us for this non-event. We always have a good time, and I’m excited to be seeing some old friends, and meeting some new ones. If you have any questions / concerns my home number is (302)678-3325, and my cell number morning of race is (302)399-6409. See ya in less than a week.


Friday, December 28, 2007

Chief Army Slug checks in...

...and will not be attending Fattest Butt. That means the field is wide open, and we could be welcoming a new champ into the fold. Mark sends the following greetings:

Dear Da' Hitman,

Nearly settled in San Antonio; nice to be focused on a
different part of world for a change. The middle east
was starting to wear on me. Wanted to pass along my
holiday wishes. Unfortunately, I will not be able to
make this years fattest butt. I will however be
thinking of you all as I attempt the Bandera 100K on the
same day. Hopefully the race director won't keep on
telling me I'm running too slow; always a tough crowd
at the pond!

Have a great new year,

Chief Army Slug

Mark Crisman

{...and of course, he's referring to nearly breaking four hours,
and then having the non-event director (Ms.Lisa, my personal favorite
Non-Event Director in the whole world) tell him he's slowing down.
It really was funny; but suppose you had to be there...}

Of course, as the years pass; the "words between the two" will
become more and more exaggerated, until they are outright lies.
It's the Slug-Way.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas Sluggos ...

Yes, it's true ... Santa is a Slug. Don't act surprised; check out his bee-hind in this picture. Probably the Original Fattest Butt. Happy Days Friends, and Merry Christmas.


Monday, December 24, 2007

2008 Fattest Butt Instructions...

1. This is a Non-Event in the truest of olde-tyme fat ass fashion. This is a group of friends getting together on a winter morning to complete a long run. Due to the lack of ultras in the First State we will have a timekeeper, and results will be posted on the internet and submitted to Ultrarunning Magazine. UR has for many years, been kind enough to support our small band of stragglers. This will allow those attempting to complete a marathon / ultra in fifty states to notch up Delaware. It is NOT an official event. It will NOT qualify you for Boston.

2. There will be no numbers for you to wear, no aid stations, and no markings on the course. If you see Ranger Rick wish him a fine day; but remember, we are not holding an organized race. We are olde & new friends, sluggos, out getting some early season exercise. This is one rule Team Slug has never had to exaggerate about. We have been disorganized from Day One.

3. The course is not marked. It is a hiking path around a pond. It is mostly flat, and certainly must be considered one of the easiest fifty k’s in the world. Ten loops, with access to your aid after each five kilometers. Team Slug will supply pond water and stale bread. If you need any special food / fuel to finish; please bring it. Feel free to bring extra; there will be a communal table. There is NO time limit, but the park closes at dark. If necessary, we will move vehicles outside of park to a nearby school; and assist you in finishing your run. We’d prefer you not quit.

4. Again, this is NOT a real race. There is NO entry fee. That’s right, it is FREE. Bandits are encouraged to participate. There are no particular rules. Cheating in an ultra is completely defeating the purpose. However, if you complete the tenth lap in less than four hours; you will either be disqualified, or allowed to complete one more lap. We don’t want any more fast slugs; we’ve got enough of them.

5. If you finish ten laps; you are authorized (not required) to purchase the World-Famous 100% Cotton, Black Team Slug T-Shirt. At that point; you will be scarred for Life / a Marked Ultra-Runner / a Slug Forever. Be aware hundreds of the finest and lousiest ultra runners in the world have earned this shirt. If you already have a T-Shirt, a 2008 TSI Finisher’s mugg will be available for purchase. We have a few truckers’ hats left over from the fall also, if you prefer one of those. These are available for Ten U.S. Dollars each. Trades in kind considered.

6. Please be at the main entrance of Killen’s Pond State Park in Kent County, Delaware by 0745 on Saturday morning. The gates usually open about 0800, and we should get the run started by 0830. Please don’t ask me for directions. Delaware is a small state. If you can’t find the park, it wouldn’t be safe for you to be near the pond. I will have my cell phone on that morning if you need to reach me. The number is (302)399-6409.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The field is set for the 18th Fattest Butt....

Congrats to all...
Details in next week...or so !!!

...The Lucky Twenty-Nine....
Fattest Butt Confirmed Victims:

1. Amanda Bundek, DE
2. Derek Hills, MD
3. Louis D'Onofrio, NJ
4. Gilles Barbeau, Vancouver, BC
5. Jess Manning, DE
6. Josh Dennis, NJ
7. Phillip Hesser, MD
8. John Straub, DE
9. Debbee Straub, DE
10. Larry Macon, GA
11. Mike Kulakowski, PA
12. Meredith Murphy, USA
13. Edward Murphy, USA
14. A.J. Johnson, NJ
15. Jeff Holloway, NJ
16. Carl Camp, DE
17. Alisa Springman, PA
18. Miguel Gomez Verdun, VA
19. Andrea Berninger, NC
20. Terri Hayes, SC
21. Frank Gousman Jr, NJ
22. Staci Rudnitsky, NYC
23. Lloyd Thomas, OH
24. Richard Monroe, MD
25. Anders Grant, MD
26. Patti Lipschutz, PA
27. Aaron Lipschutz, PA
28. Eugene Bruckert, IL
29. Craig See, DE

Friday, December 14, 2007

pokey crawls out of swamp....

on hands and knees, barely breathin'...and reports disturbing phenomena. hitman went in with her on saturday morning, and has not been seen since. he apparently disappeared while taking a "main-drain" down at the water's edge. the fbi has NOT been notified, because of other "outstanding issues in virginia, florida, and the phillipines involving ranger rick, pink ribbons, coconut-covered marshmallows, and naked ladies." BIGGER PROBLEMS LURK ... pokey is reporting something slogging around in the slug-pond, and IT definitely "ain't" da'hitman. IT appears to be a large fish-monster of some sort, scaley and green, with large bug-eyes and a tail about eight feet long. this of course would explain the missing downstate delaware geese. regardless of all this "likely criminal behavior" the non-event will go on. pitiful sluggos will plod all day long, and finish the slug course. some will be lost forever in the forest, wandering out in the spring; looking ghoulish, distraught, and emaciated. and, likely; they'll have on the same black slug shirt, ripped, shorn, and hanging over a beatin' heart inside a bag of bones. friends ... this AIN'T pretty stuff ... please !!! for Goodness SAKES ... find something else to do on the first saturday in january. coming here for the SHIRT can lead to no good; DO NOT DO IT !!!! this is your last warning.... flatfoot freddie....

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Ted Corbitt --- courtesy of Rich Innamorato

Dear Friends,

Today the music has died.........for the running community and for humanity.
Ted Corbitt has sadly passed away at the age of 88 at the MD Anderson Center
in Houston, TX. He bravely was fighting a personal battle against cancer,
but had developed heart and respiratory complications which could not be

I was able to visit Ted this past Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. It was
heartbreaking to see this giant of a man in a hospital bed. When he first
saw me, he amusingly asked, "You flew?" I am a notorious bad flyer, and Ted
had witnessed some of my previously anxieties. I responded, "Weren't you
glad that you weren't in the seat next to me."

I greatly thank you for all your heartfelt messages, and so did Ted. He was
not able to read them, so I read each one to him with a brief introduction
of the "writer" of each message. Your words were very comforting.

We all know his legendary feats as a runner, but he was even a far greater

He was a humanitarian. One of his great gifts was not to prejudge people
just as he would not want to be prejudged. He accepted you for who you were
and allowed you to be yourself.

He was healer..... and dedicated his life to provide cure and comfort to the
critically disabled and injured. He was still treating patients just before
his latest illness.

He was a scholar. He had a great propensity to "learn" no matter the
subject matter. His own success, whether it was cerebral or physical, was
due to that desire to learn. And how he could apply the newly-found
information the next time.

He was a marvel. How he would push his limits no matter the obstacles.
Even as an octogenarian, he walked 303 miles in 6 days while enduring shin
splints. Life was a series of tests for him, and it was the partaking that
was the most important not the passing or failing.

He led by example every single day, and his character, dedication, kindness
and values all touched our lives. We are richer to know him or know of him.

May he always live in peace and be blessed by God. I will greatly miss him.


Rich Innamorato

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

ROCKSTAR checks in !!!

...ok all ya hardcore sluggo-fans. The ROCKSTAR (Honorary Slug allniteywoblius) has registered, and has promised a guest appearance..."to burn off a few brewskies." as many of ya know he is the founder, and race director, of the First States ONLY "One Hundred Mile-Run." while his 8 X 10 autographed glossies are currently going for $129.95 on e-bay; he's promised to make a dozen or so available at $75.00 flat-fee. of course, there's no tax in delaware. remember the ROCKSTAR only accepts "dollar bills," only goodness knows what he does with them. as always, John Clark and the Governor has been invited. More details coming!!!

Monday, December 10, 2007

don't mix insanity with beer....

...or you get these types of letters...

Forest Gump said...
As your newest victim it’s important to remember that I have been coerced into running this non event. I don't even like to run. Your slugger from last year AJ Johnson has guilted me into the event threatening to alert our entire community that I have become comfortable and accustomed to sloth. Consider the results of last event I was forced to participate in. I was found, suffering from heat exhaustion, aimlessly wandering a rest stop along the Garden State Parkway, mumbling incoherently with the juice of a BK Whopper dripping from my mouth. There is serious concern about my mental well being. This weekend when I told some friends about the non event they affectionately asked what my problem was. Consider yourselves fore warned. This weekend , after only four hours of sleep I was dragged out onto the muddy trails in South Seaville, NJ by AJ and forced to run under duress. I was not sure if puking was appropriate but around the 13th mile I was seriously considering lying down in the sand and taking a nap. I would have if I had not already begun suffering from the classic symptoms of hyperthermia. I will be doing my best to complete the coarse. I would suggest that all who attends bring an extra meal or reserve a room so that you are comfortable while waiting for me to limp across the finish. If you find me on the trail with my heel smacking me in the back of my head in complete agony just leave me there. Until then I'll continue preparing as best I can. Does anyone know if the local hospital accepts HORIZON PPO's?

Thursday, December 06, 2007

pokey-slug on recon mission this saturday... the fattest butt 50k creeps closer. pokey will be out scouting around, observing ranger rick movement throughout the slug forest. recent ice and snow has the trail mighty slickery. we sent wrong-way charlie out sunday morning, but haven't seen him since. best to keep a close eye on cnn, or fox news. he has a bad habit of climbing the fence at the white house. which, i don't mind; except when he's wearin' his slug shirt. see, i don't like those black helicopters hovering around my house. anywho, the days are flyin' by; and the field is nearly set. i expect to post full directions to this blog by the last week of december. that should give all victims plenty of time to change their minds. from the frozen tundra of central delaware...
flattest foot freddie. all questions, comments, and threats to ""

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

2007 SI Sportsman of Year...

while disappointed ole' flatfoot freddie wasn't named SI Sportsman of the Year...Team Slug congratulates Mr. Brett Favre!...a World-Famous Team Slug t-shirt is on it's way to Mr.Favre. Additionally, Mr. Favre is offered free lifetime entry into any Official Team Slug non-event. No doubt, he'd attend Fattest Butt; however, he's still playing with the Pack. And, what a season he's having! Good Luck ole buddy!!!

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